Pandemics SUCK

Okay by now I'm sure everyone is hating the pandemic as much or more than I am. I am thankful that I am considered an essential service worker, so I'm still employed and working more hours than ever! I'm also thankful for all the wonderful thing 2020 brought into my life, and is continuing to bring in 2021.

The beginning of 2020 was a little challenging, I was in my last semester of University and feeling oh-so burnt out; this could possibly be winter blues... I'm not sure, but I was in a bit of a funk. Things started to change in the summer, Kyle and I were going on hikes, bike rides, and were seadooing as much as possible. That summer, i also started taking my health a little more seriously (I'm type 2 diabetic), by the fall Kyle and I found out we were pregnant!

[I just want to add that I didn't think I was able to have kids, or if I did it would be challenging. I struggled with cysts on my ovaries in my twenties, and in 5 of the 6 years Kyle and I were together I wasn't on birth control. I was 100% convinced that I couldn't have kids]

Needless to say we were beyond excited! Back in December I started seeing a gynecologist to see what was going on with my uterus, but Covid-19 happened and we didn't follow through with testing. We both felt okay with that decision because in the past we had talked about fostering or adopting, and we were content.

So, I know I said 2020 brought some really great things into my life. So, let go back to that!

I already said I was pregnant, but what I didn't mention is that Kyle and I got engaged the day we found out, and I married my best friend in October.

In November I graduated with a Masters of Social Work program from the University of Toronto. and December 29th we found out we are having a baby boy!!!

Why this is called "Pandemics suck" is because, while so much good is happening, i can't help but feel a little sad of the expectations I had for these events. I imagined seeing my MSW cohort again, and graduating in person with them and my family. I imagined having all our family and friends at the wedding (i still absolutely loved the wedding, despite the tornado warnings the night before, and the snow fall the morning of!), having a bachelorette, bridal shower, honeymoon etc. Now with the baby I still feel robbed, especially since Ontario is implementing stronger lockdown restrictions, will I be able to have a baby shower, or when will people even be able to meet the baby, and my biggest worry is will Kyle and my mom be able to be with me when I go into labour?

I'm trying everything I can to just "go with the flow", and with so much amazing stuff that has happened throughout 2020, it just feels a little sad that I haven't been able to celebrate all these blessings with friends and family.